White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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