do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize