I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
