I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
