I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
