sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
