The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I intend to get homeless drunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
