Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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