So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
