moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
