All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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