Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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