Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
