Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
