I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
