and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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