And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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