You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
