I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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