Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
