He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
