she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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