i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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