Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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