remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize