we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we're making bets on your personal life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
