I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
