Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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