The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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