I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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