i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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