fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
