watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
