Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
