Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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