3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
