you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
