I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
