dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
