Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Life is so much better after having sex.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
