there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
