Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We are all done wearing pants today
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
