seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
