I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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