i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
