just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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