Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
