Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
