i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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