my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
