theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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