have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
