what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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