You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
