We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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