Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
