My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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