Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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