alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
