I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
