She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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