I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
