he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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