ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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