My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
