I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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