Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I die, sorry about rent.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
