woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
