She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
