so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
